.E8 M8 
Copy 1 



£^ 







COPYRIGHT, 1889, BY HAROLD ROORBACH 



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:. ALL THAT GLITTERS IS NOT GOLD, A comic drama in two acts. Six 
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2. A SCRAP OF PAPER. A comic drama in three acts. Six male, six female 

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3. MY LORD IN LIVERY. A farce in one act. Five male, three female charac- 

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MURDER WILL OUT 



A FARCE IN ONE ACT 
FOR SIX FEMALE CHARACTERS 



BY / 

LIZZIE MAY ELWYN 



Author's Edition, with the Cast of the Characters, Time 
OF Representation, Scene and Property Plots, 
Diagram of the Stage Setting, Explana- 
tion OF the Stage Directions, etc. 



^ 



Copyright, 1890, by Harold Roorbach. 




NEW YORK 

HAROLD ROORBACH 

PUBLISHER 




MURDER WILL OUT 



CAST OF CHARACTERS. 



Grandma Stiles An old Yankee Woman. 

Lena Stiles .... Her Granddaughter. 

May Taylor 1 / . zr • . 

Minnie Sprague | ^^'^^ -^ ^''^^'^^•^• 

Dinah The Colored Cook. 

Bridget O' Flaherty Looking for a Situation. 

Time of Representation — Thirty Minutes. 

COSTUMES— Modern and Appropriate. 

PROPERTIES. 

Table ; dressing-case and mirror ; wardrobe ; rocker ; two or three 
chairs ; articles common to a girl's room scattered about ; gun for Dinah ; 
lighted candles on table and dressing-case, and for Grandma Stiles to 
enter with; masks for the girls; black domino for Minnie; old-fashioned 
dress, gay colored shawl and very large old-fashioned bonnet for May. 

SCENE. 

CorrldoT Backmg 
''Window ' .^^ 



Wardrobe m\ 



Chair Dressing Case 

Boar 

^^^ Door 

JH ^RockinfT Chair 

Table • 

Cbuir 



4 MURDER WILL OUT. 

Scene. — A plain chamber. Doors R. and L. Window c. Table r., 
with rocker L. of it. Dressing-case l., with wardrobe L. of it. Chairs 
R. and L. 

N, B. A set scene is not necessary to the action, and may be dispensed 
with, if preferred. 

STAGE DIRECTIONS. 

In observing, the player is supposed to face the audience. R. means 
right; L., left; c, centre; r. c, right of centre; L. c, left of centre. Up 
STAGE, towards the back ; down stage, towards the footlights. 

R. R. e. C. L. C. L. 





MURDER^ILL OUT. 

Scene. — Lena Stiles' chamber; doors R. andi..-, window C; table, 
R., with rocker I., of it. Dressijig-case l., with wardrobe l, of it. 
Chairs R. and L. Articles common to a girC s bedroom scattered 
about. Lena at glass arranging her hair. 

Lena. Why in the world doesn't grandmother go to bed? Here 
it is nearly nine o'clock, and every night before, since I can 
remember, she has retired at half-past eight. The girls will not 
dare to come in till they see a light from her window. I wonder 
if I have forgotten that new waltz, [begins to waltz before the glass) 

Enter, Grandma Stiles, l. 

Grandma. Lena Stiles, what on airth air you doin' ? 

Lena. Nothing but the latest waltz step, grandma, [continues 
waltzing about) 

Grandma, [dropping into a chair) Waltz step ! Set right down, 
child. Your father left you in my care, an' I'm goin' to see that 
your morals ain't corrupted whilst he is away. Ain't you ashamed 
of yourself? And your father a minister of the gospel, too ! 

Lena, [sitting R.) Well, I'm not a minister, and papa isn't waltz- 
ing ; so where is the harm ? 

Grandma. The harm! I never caught yourfather acuttingsich 
capers, in my life. It's time you was abed too, letting nature 
rest. 

Lena. Yes, grandmother, and aren't you sitting up late ? 

Grandma. Yes, an' I must go right to bed. Sha'n't I bring you 
a soapstone, afore I go ? 

Lena. No, thank you. 

Grandma. Won't you want another blanket ? 

Lena. Oh, no indeed ! 1 shall want nothing. 

Grandma, [nodding) Well, I'll stay till you git to bed [nods) so 
I can tuck you in. 

Lena, [aside) Oh, horror! Shall I never get rid of the dear old 
soul? [aloud) Never mind me, grandma, I must brush my hair 
before I retire ; so you had better go. you are so sleepy. 

Grandma, [nods two or three times) I guess I will. Law, I can't 
but jest keep my eyes open. Exit, L. 

Lena. Thank goodness ! I feared that she meant to stay. 



6' MURDER WILL OUT. 

Grandma, [putting her head in at l.) Leny, you ain't afeared to 
stay alone, be you? 'Cause if you be, I'll stay with you. 

Lena. Afraid! Of what, grandmother? 1 do not want any- 
body, and if I do, I will call Dinah. 

Grandma, [coming in) Well. I thought you might feel a bit afeard 
seeing that your ma and pa air both gone, an' no men folks left in 
the house. You have acted narvous and fidgety-like all day. 
Siia'n't I make you a little catnip tea? 

Lena. Grandmoiher Stiles, you are enough to drive me wild ! I 
want nothing, but to be let alone, and 1 will be glad if you will 
give me a chance to retire. 

Grandma. Law, child, don't be cross I I don't believe you feel 
well. Does your head ache ? Let me brush your hair. 

Lena. No, my head does not ache. I feel perfectly well and able 
to wait upon myself. Now good-night, grandma, and pleasant 
dreams, [gently helps Grandma out, l.) There,— (Grandma /«/5 
her head in L. ) Goodness ! 

Grandma. Be sure and go right to bed, Leny. Exit, L. 

Lena. I wonder if that is the last of her for to-night ? Poor, 
dear old soul ! She means well, but sometimes her affectionate 
solicitude is very annoying. 

Enter, Dinah, l. 

Dinah. Does yer want ole Dinah, chile ? De ole missus say 
dat Ise ter see does yer want anything. 

Lena. Has grandmother gone to her room ? 

Dinah. She am dar by dis time, sartin. 

Lena. Then, Dinah, you may go down and attend the door ; 
admit whoever rings and bring them to my room. 

Dinah. Dis time ob de night? 

Lena. Now, Dinah, do be a dear good old soul, and not make 
a fuss. I mean to go to the masquerade ball to-night. 

Dinah. De wich? 

Lena. The ball. And I expect some friends to go with me. 
Now papa and mamma are gone to quarterly meeting and grand- 
mother has gone to bed. So, unless you tell, nobody will know 
anything about it. You w^«'/ tell, will you? Promise that you 
won't, there's a dear good Dinah, [puts her arms around Dinah's 
neck) 

Dinah. Dar, dar ! I ain't gwine ter tell nuffin. Dough if itebber 
gits foun' out, I spec ole Dinah done cotch it. When am yer 
gwine ter git home ? 

Lena. Probably it will be late, but you need not sit up for me ; 
I will take the key and let myself in. 

Dinah. Oh, de recklesomness ob dat gal! Chile, youse gwine 
ter yer obstruction, an' poo' ole Dinah am po'ful ter sabe ye. Jess 



MURDER WILL OUT. J 

ha'ar dese pra'ars an stay ter hum. You're gwine ter brung ole 
Dinah's gray hars in sorrer ter de grabe. 

Le.ia. Better wait, auntie, till you get the gray hairs, [tioise at 
window) 

Dinah. What am dat ? 

Lena, [looking out) It is the girls throwing gravel against the 
window, [looking) I can see but one, run and show her up, Dinah, 
and be as quiet as you can, or you will arouse grandma. 

Dinah. It am bad luclc youse gwine ter brung on yerself, suah 
fo' sartin ! Exit, L. 

Lena. I'll have a good time to-night, [looks in wardrobe) My 
costume is all right — I wonder if that was May, or Minnie 1 

Enter, MiNNiE a7id May, l. 

Minnie. It's both of us, my dear, and such an endless wait as 
Fve had ! 

May. Yes; Minnie has been waiting for me more than half an 
hour, I thought aunt Abigail would never x^iwQ. 

Lena. Did your father go to quarterly meeting? 

May. Yes. And he will stay two nights. Isn't that lovely ? 

Minnie. Won't it give us a glorious chance? To-night the ball 
and to-morrow night the play. Oh, won't we have some fun! 

Lena. But if we should fail ! 

May. Fail! Do you not know that " in the bright lexicon of 
youth, there's no such word as fail ? " 

Lena. But I feel frightened when 1 think of to-morrow night. I 
never took a part in a drama and I know, if anybody looks at me, 
I shall forget my lines. 

Minnie. No you won't. When you get on the stage all of that 
fright will leave you. 

Lena. The stage fright may, but the fear of detection will not 
leave me. If papa knows that to-night I go to the ball and to- 
morrow night I act on the stage, he will be terribly angry. 

May. Well, are you going to give it up? 

Lena. Give it up? No indeed! I mean to have a good time 
to-night any way. I have my costume here in the wardrobe, and 
I have provided one for you. It is up in the garret — some of 
grandma's clotliing, but she will never know. 

Minnie. Well, let's be dressing. I have my costume. It is a 
domino. Come, May, it is getting late and the coach will be at 
the corner of the street at a quarter past nine, sharp ! 

Lena. Come, I will show you where to find your costume and 
then come back and finish my toilet. Exeunt, R. 

Enter, Dinah and Bridget, l. 

Dinah. Dar! Yer kin sot yersef doun dar, an' wait till young 
Miss comes, an' Ise jess agwine ter stay too. If Miss Leny tinks 



8 MURDER WILL OUT. 

she am gwine ter 'sociate long of sich no-count trash, an' dat Ise 
gwine ter behold she in it, she am 'staken, dat's all. It am bad 
nough, dis trampin' off ter mastication balls, but wen it comes ter 
gwine long ob Irisher pot-washers I ain't agwine ter stan' it. 

Bridget. Howly St. Pathrick ! Shure an' what is it ails ther 
nagur? Oirish pot-washers indade ! An' it's yersilf thart I'd be 
afther axin' an' who is it yez afther callin' names ? 

Dinah. Yer jess better mend yer manners an' 'member dat youse 
talkin' ter a lady. If yer gits ter bein' too sassy I'll jess box yer 
ears, dat I will. 

Bridget. Howly murther ! A leddy is it? An' it's a moighty 
dhark complexion yez have, shure ! Now dry oop that bla'guard- 
ing ould black moog, an' call the misthress ter wonct, or it's mesilf 
as will pull ivery blissid bit of wool off yez ould black skool. 

Dinah, [rising) Duz yer tink — 

Enter, Lena, r. 

Lena. For mercy's sake ! Who is this, Dinah? 

Dinah. Ain't it um company? 

Lena. My company ? No, I was not expecting a stranger. 

Dinah. What am yer name, gal ? 

Bridget. Bridget, shure. 

Dinah. Bridget Shore ! Dar am a Shore family down on Front 
street ; dey is no-count trash. Is you any 'lation ter dem? 

Bridget. Divil a bit ! 

Dinah. Divillybit ! Now wat am dat? Can't yer talk English ? 

Lena. Oh, Dinah, you do not understand her. (/^ Bridget) 
Young woman, why have you come here at this hour of the night ? 

Bridget. This hour of the noight, indade ! Faith an' its bekase a 
divil a bit could I foind the phlace in the day tcime ! 

Lena. But why did you wish to find the place? 

Bridget. Howly St. Pathrick! An' how waz I goin' ter git in if 
I didn't foind ther phlace, I'd loike ter know? 

Lena. Good gracious. Dinah, do you know what she came for? 

Bridget. Howly murther, an' it's afther that yez wantin' ter 
know? Shure an' it's afther a sitooation I'm coome ! 

Lena. Oh, it's for the place that Hannah left vacant! I'll call 
grandma. Exit, L. 

Dinah. I'd jess Hke ter know if ye tinks youse gwine ter lib in 
dis house, wid me? 

Bridget. Faith, an' shure it's niver a bit do I want ter live wid 
a nagur ! 

Dinah. A nigger! Dar nebber wuz a nigger made so mean as 
dat Shore family ! An' Ise quite sartin dat youse 'lation ter dem. 
'Tain't noways likely dat youse gwine ter own it. 



MURDER WILL OUT. g 

Enter, Lena ^«^ Grandma, l. 

Lena. This is the young woman, grandma, who, as I under- 
stand, has answered papa's advertisement for a housemaid. Per- 
haps, if you question her, you can find out whether she is compe- 
tent to take Hannah's place. (Bridget rises and drops a courtesy) 

Bridget. An' it's a place I'd loike shure, mam, av yez plaze. 
An' it's me shister Norah as was afther sinding me *til yez this 
blissid morning, an' it's all the day as I've been thrampin' the 
strates an' divil a bit could I foind yez afore. 

Grandma. What is your name, my good girl? 

Bridget. Faith an' me name is Bridget O' Flaherty, an' me 
shister Norah woruks wid Misrhress Jones, what sint me 'til yez. 

Dinah. Dat am a falsify, sartin! Firs' she done say she sister 
sent she, an' now it am Missus Jones I An' she tole me hersef 
dat her name am Shore. 

Lena. Oh, Dinah, you didn't understand her! 

Dinah. Yis I did too! I 'stand ^rt/ plain 'nough. Nobody gw'xvit 
ter un'stand dat odder lingo. 

Lena. I suppose, Bridget, that you have references ? 

Bridget. Pwhat ? 

Grandma. Have you a written recommendation of character? 

Bridget. An' it's a poor misfortunite girul I am ! [rockino herself 
to and fro) Oh, de?ir \ [zurin^ing her hands) It's mesilf as tould 
Norah that nobuddy would be afther takin' a sthrange girul wid- 
out a character ! 

Dinah. An' I shouldn't think dey would ! 

Lena. What do you mean by having no character ? 

Bridget. Shure an' I lohst me character, on the stamer, afore I'd 
shailed three days away from ould Ireland. 

Dinah. Holy Moses ! Dat am a purty gal fo' Missus Jones ter 
sen' ter de minister's house ! Yer jess better start yersef back ter 
Irelan' whar ye 'longs! 

Grandma. Keep still, Dinah, can't you? (/^Bridget) You 
mean a paper written by some one and stating that your character 
is good, don't you, Bridget ? 

Bridget. All writ out so purty loike and soigned by the praist. 
Sinire an' it's mesilf as will niver be afther gitting a sitooation wid- 
out it! 

Grandma. You may stay here to-night, and to-morrow I will see 
Mrs. Jones. If you stay, we shall require you to see to general 
house work. Dinah will attend to the cooking. 

Bridget. Shure, and I'd as lief tind the Gineral as anybuddy ! 

Lena. Have you had any supper ? 

Bridget. Divil a bit ! 

Lena. Then you must be hungry. Dinah, take her to the 
kitchen and, after she has eaten supper, show her to Hannah's 



lO MURDER WILL OUT. 

room. It is getting late, and I do not wish to be disturbed again 
to-night. 

Dinah. Come along den, Bridget Shore Flattery, an' stuff yersef 
wid vvittels as was cooked fo' decint folks. It am de las' youse'll 
hab ob mine cookin' ! I alius did keep 'spectable company an' I 
don' mean ter 'sociate long ob no sich trash. I shall lebe jess as 
quick as ebber de missus comes home. Dat I will! 

Exeunt, DiNAH and Bridget, l. 

Grandma. What a sight of trouble them gals make ! I declare 
I can jest keep my eyes open ! I must go right to bed. Don't set 
up a minute longer than you can help. Exit, L. 

Lena. My stars 1 1 shall never get ready for the ball, at this 
rate, [begins to hunt inivardrobe) Where is my mask ? I must have 
left it in the garret. Exit, R. 

Enter, BRIDGET, L. 

Bridget. Howly murther ! An* sich a supper for a girul as has 
been thrampin' the sthrates the blissid day ! Cold praties, wake 
tay an' bannock ! Och, ther stingy nagur; an' divil a bit o' sich 
will I be afther atein'. It's mesilf as will spake 'til the misthress 
shure. Faith an' here's a bottle! [takes bay rum froin dressing- 
case^ Something ter dhrink azeit? [djinks) Howly murther, an' it 
tastes quare ! — Hark ! [listens) an' is it that nagur coomin' t [hid- 
ing in the wardrobe) 

Enter, Lena, May a«<^ Minnie, r. 

Minnie dressed in black domino and mask. May dressed in old- 
fashioned dress, gay colored shawl, a very large old-fashioned 
bonnet and a jnask. 

Lena. I don't see where my mask is ! Oh, May, you look like 
a fright ! 

Bridget, [in wardrobe^ Shure, an' I'm thinkun that's thrue 
enough ! It's a big froight yez givin' me. 

May. Do I look like one, who, to-morrow night, will prowl 
around, with an assassin's knife, seeking the blood of an innocent 
old woman ? 

Bridget, [looking out) Howly St. Pathrick, it's the ould cravthur 
hissilf! 

Lena. Girls, I don't like that plot ; there is too much murder in 
it. I'm afraid it's wicked. 

Minnie. . Wicked ! Now what nonsense ! If you get faint- 
hearted, we shall have to give up the whole affair. Nobody can 
act in the murder scene as you can. 

Lena. That is just the part I don't like. That murder is 
horrid ! 



MURDER WILL OUT. II 

Bridget, [in wardrobe') An' it's a murther they's afther doin', is 
it? Begorra now, an' I whist I'd niver lift home for a piilace 
where I'd be kilt intoirely by the women folks. But it's Bridget 
O'Flaherty as will niver lave this cupboard 'till the murthenn' 
haythins gits out of the house ! 

May. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof. So let to- 
morrow take care of itself, while you hurry a little and get dressed 
for to-night. 

Lena, {going towards wardrobe) That I must, or we shall be the 
last ones at the ball. 

Minnie. Meanwhile I'll tell you something to quicken your 
movements. Brother Dick is waiting to escort us. 

Lena. Oh ! [jerking at wardrobe door) 

Minnie. I meant it for a surprise, but you were so slow — 

Lena. Why, what ails this door? 

May. It sticks I guess ; mine does sometimes. Let me help you, 
[both pull at the door) 

Minnie. You can't have much strength. Let ;;/<? open that door. 
{takes hold of door with a jerk; Bridget _y^//y/ all spring back, 
shrieking) 

Minnie. Heavens, there is some one in the wardrobe! 

Lena. What a dreadful sound ! 

May. What shall we do ? 

Minnie. It's burglars ! 

Lena. After my watch ! 

Enter, GRANDMA, L., with night-cap on her head, feet slipshod, a 
shawl around her shoulders, holding a lighted candle. 

Grandma. What on airth is the matter? 

Lena. Oh, grandmother, it's burglars! 

Grandma. Burglars is it ? and females too ! This is what comes 
of women's rights. 1 alius did say that steppin' into men's places 
wouldn't be no elevation to women, an' this goes to prove it. Ain't 
ye ashamed of yerselves, a disgracing the female sex ? 

Lena. Grandma, you have made a mistake, the robber is in my 
wardrobe. These are not theives. 

Grandma. 'Pears as though they had been in my wardrobe. 
Ain't thieves ! I'd like to know what you call 'em? That air is 
my bunnit ; I knowed it the minute I sot my eyes on it. An' 
that's my shawl ; your grandsire bought it for me the very last 
time he ever went to markit. It's good as new too, 'cause I've 
never worn it, seeing that I've worn black ever since he died. 
{comes closer and looks at May) An' if that ain't my weddin' dress ! 
Here's where my things goes to, is it? {goes L. ; calls) Dinah, Di- 
n-ah ! 

Dinah, {outside, in a muffled tone) Hi dar ! Wat you want ? 



12 MURDER WILL OUT. 

Grandma. Come along as quick as you can! 

May. {removing hermask) Mrs. Stiles, don't you know me? 

Grandma. Mary Ann Taylor ! What on airth does this mean ? 
What capers be you up to at this time o* night ? 

Minnie, [removing her mask) Oh, there is, really and truly, a 
robber in Lena's wardrobe ! 

Grandma. So you air in the mess ! I might a known there 
wouldn't a been any mischief unless you was in it. 'Twon'tdo any 
good to go to your ^2. about it for he is an ungodly critter ; but I 
shall speak to Deacon Taylor, as soon as ever he comes home. I 
know he will stop his darter from makin' sich a rumpus in the 
minister's house. (Bridget ^«<?^5'^^) What on airth is that ? 

Lena. It's a robber in my wardrobe. 

Grandma. A robber ! 

Lena. Yes ; how many times must I tell you before you can 
understand ? 

Grandma, [running i..) Dinah, Di-nah ! 

Dinah, [outside) Can't you wait 'till a buddy done gits she shoes 
on ? 

Grandma. Come quick, Dinah, and bring a club. There is a 
burglar here. 

Enter, Dinah, 'L.,with short night-dress, petticoat, night-cap and 
feet slipshod. Jti her hand she carries a gtot. All the girls scream , 
and jump in chairs. Grandma hides behind dressing-case. 

Lena. Put down that gun, Dinah. You'll shoot somebody. 

Dinah. Dat air am jess wat Ise gwine ter do. Where am dat 
buglum ? 

Lena. In my wardrobe. 

Dinah, [pointing gun) Den here um goes ! Yer jess better say 
yer pra'ars in dar, 'cause Ise gwine ter shoot. 

Bridget, (in wardrobe) The blissid saints presarve us ! Oh, oh-h, 
Oh-h-h ! 

Dinah. It am dat Irisher gal ! Mine golly, but I knowed she 
am no good. 

Lena, [getting down) Bridget, come out of there this minute ! 

Bridget. Shure, an* I'll be kilt if I do. 

Grandma, [coming out) Who is going to kill you, I'd like to 
know ? 

Bridget. The robbers, shure. 

Dinah. Robbers ? 

Bridget. Indade it's the same. 

Grandma. How many robbers are there ? 

Bridget. Faith, an' its the two of 'em. 

Minnie, [^going L.) There are two in the wardrobe with Bridget ; 
I think we had better bring the police. 



MURDER WILL OUT. 1 3 

May. {dinging to Minnie) Oh, Minnie, if you go, I shall go with 
you. There are so many of us that they are afraid to come out, 
but if you go, they will rush out and overpower the rest. 

Dinah. You done stay whar ye am, an' dis chile jess fix 'em I 
Am ye gwine ter come out ob dar, Bridget Shore Flattery ? 

Bridget. An' it's divil a bit would I thry it, shure. 

Dinah. Den yer can't 'spect as I'd tink mo' ob one Irisher gal 
den I does ob my missus' waluables ; an' Ise jess agwine ter blow 
dat air cupboard inter kingdom come, [raising giai) Now, dar um 
goes, [girls all scream and jump iiito chairs) 

Lena. Don't shoot, you will kill Bridget! 

Dinah. Den she mus' come out ob dar. One — two — [door opens 
and Bridget steps out of luardrobe. Lena and May rim l. 
Minnie goes toward wardrobe ) 

Minnie. Why, there is nobody there ! 

Bridget. Och, ye desateful craythurs, an' it's Bridget O' Flaherty 
as heerd yez plannin' ter kilt the ould woman wid a knoife ! An' 
it's mesilf as will give warning ter onct 'til ther perlice ! 

Minnie. Lena, we had better own it all up, and beg off, or we 
shall get into no end of a scrape. 

May. That is so! Lena, tell your grandmother, and let me get 
home this time, and you may depend upon it, I'll never get into 
such a scrape again. 

Grandma. What is all this about? What does that gal mean 
about knives and murder, and how came you with masks and 
sich, looking like a lot of house-breakers ? 

Lena. Grandmother, I have been a naughty girl, but you will 
forgive me I know, when I tell you that I am truly sorry and 
promise never to do so again. 

Grandma. What have you done, child ? 

Lena. *Tis what I meant to do, grandma. Minnie, May and 
myself had planned to go to the masquerade ball to-night and we 
took your clothes for costumes. 

Grandma. Land o' Goshen! A ball, my Daniel's darter at a 
ball, rigged up with a mask over her face ! Jest for all the world 
like a highway robber ! 

Lena. Yes, grandma, but I'm sorry and I'll never, never ^o so 
again, if you will promise not to tell papa or the Deacon, or May's 
aunt Abigail or fz;nbody. Now you won't tell, say you won't, 
that's a dear good grandmother. 

Grandma. Well, if you will all promise not to attempt sich a 
thing agin, I'll keep still about it. 

All the girls. Yes ; we will ! 

Bridget. I'll be afther lavin' ter onct. It's niver a noight wad I 
be afther shlapin' in the house wid murtherers. 

Dinah. Well, 'clar out den. An' it am mighty good riddence ter 
oncommon bad rubbish ! 



k 



14 MURDER WILL OUT. 

Lena. Can't you understand, Bridget, that it was a play that we 
were talking about ? You have been to a theater, have you not, 
and seen them play rnurder ? 

Bridget. Faith, that I have; but it's a bloody mane koind of a 
play! Faix an' it's that wake in the knees I am that 1 kin jist 
sthand ! 

Grandma. What more mischief have you been hatching? You 
may as well own it all. 

Lena. Yes, grandma, I will. The dramatic club gives an 
entertainment in the hall, to-morrow night. I was to take a part in 
the drama. 

Grandma, [/loiding up her haiids) My stars and garters ! Lena 
Stiles, what depths of wickedness have you gone into? I declare 
you've nigh about struck me dumb ! 

Lena. Well, you have promised to remain dumb on that subject, 
you know. So let's disperse, each with a free conscience. 

May. And we may thank Bridget for it. Had it not been for 
her, we might at this moment have been dancing in costume, but 
to-morrow — Ah me ! Whose conscience would have been free ? 

Dinah. Tank dat air gal indeed ! Dat Shore family nebber was 
berry bright, an' dis gal am de biggest fool ob 'em all. I 'clare, 
my ole man would jess a comed outer de grabe, 'fi had shooted 
anyting so mean, as dat Shore gal, wid his gun ! 

Minnie. Well, as Burns says, "The best laid plans o' mice an' 
men aft gang astray," and 1 think our plans have gone astray to- 
night. But let us rejoice that there is no harm done, and if we 
feel disposed to blame Bridget, let us remember that surely some- 
time or other Murder will out. 

CURTAIN. 




NEW PLAYS. 



PRICE, 15 CENTS EACH. 

MURDER WILL OUT. A farce in one act, for six female characters, by L. M. 
Elwyn. Time of playing, 30 minutes. A breezy and effective farce, in which 
half a dozen bright girls can delight an audience with half an hour of innocent 
fun. Grandmother Stiles, and her demure but frolicsome grand-daughter, are 
excellent characters ; Dinah^ the colored cook, is amusing, and Bridget O' Flaherty 
is a funny Irish girl— her quarrels with Dinah being exceednigly laughable. I'he 
attempts of Lena and her merry friends, May and Minnie^ to hoodwink the old 
Lidy, and their final exposure, will keep the audience in a roar of laughter. 

OLD CRONIES. A comedietta in one act, for two male characters, by S. Theyre 
Smith. Time of playing, 30 minutes. This is an unusually bright and clever 
little play, in which a couple of comedians can furnish a half-hour of pure, 
unrestricted fun. Dr. Jacks, the mild-mannered old gentleman, is in happy 
contrast with Capt. Pigeon, a bluff, gruflf and noisy old sea officer. Both are 
excruciatingly funny, and their sorrowful attempt to write a joint-stock love 
letter is one of the richest bits of humor ever presented. Old Cronies will prove 
a most acceptable afterpiece, and, if at all well done, can not fail to send the 
audience home in good humor. 

APRIL FOOLS. A farce in one act, for three male characters, by W. F. Chap- 
man. Time of playing, 30 minutes. For a half-hour of roaring fun this farce has 
few equals. It is brisk, bright, and full of highly humorous situations. The 
characters are exceedmgly well drawn — the nervous Mr. Dunnbrowne forming a 
marked contrast to the loud James Smith, aud both differing widely from the 
sad and sorrowful Joseph Sviith. Each imagines that the others a'e foolish, 
crazy or drunk. There are laughable blunders and side-splitting complications. 
Misunder>tandings follow one another in rapid succession, and the mystery grows 
deeper and still deeper. Finally, when everybody gets into a hopeless tangle, it 
is discovered that ail three are victims of a practical joker, who has made them 
"April Fools." 

MISS MADCAP. A comedietta in one act, by Charles Townsend, for two male 
and one female characters. Time of playing, 20 minutes. 'I'his bright and 
breezy little play sparkles like champ;igne, and is just the thing for a curtain- 
raiser or an afterpiece. The story is well told, and the characters are well drawn. 
The youth who pretends to be a " tough," the young man who pretends to be a 
" dude," and the young lady who pretends to be a " tomboy," all give scope for 
excellent acting. The piece has been played with pronounced success under the 
author's management. 

THE DARKEY WOOD DEALER. A farce in one act, by Charles Townsend, 
for two male and one female characters. Time of playing, 20 minutes. A 
ro 'ring farce in this author's happiest vein, totally unlike the ordinary "Ethi- 
opian" plays. Each character IS first-class. The "wood-dealer," beyond doubt, 
is one of the best negro parts on the stage. The Deacon is a highly-amusing 
old man, and Mrs. Deacon (this part may be played by a young man), a tremen- 
dous hit as a "strong-minded" female. This farce is certain to keep an audience 
in a loar, and has proved a sure hit as played under the author's management. 

AN OLD PLANTATION NIGHT. 

PRICE, 25 CENTS. 

A musical and dramatic entertainment for four male and four female characters, 
forming a double quartet. This is not a negro minstrel show, contains no boisterous 
jokes nor conundrums, and is without a vestige of " Tambo " or " Bones," or the 
conventional stage darkey. It is a simple but vivid representation of life " in de 
quarters," embellished with song and story illustrating some of the quaint super- 
stitions and frolicsome merry-makings of the mellow-voiced race. Thoroughly 
bright throuijhout, the text is uncommonly well written, and the succession of inci- 
dents skilfully contriv d, while its transitions from grave to gay can be made wonder- 
fully effective by intelligent actors. The scene, a simple interior, can be arranged on 
any platform without set s-cenery ; some old garments and a little discarded finery 
will suffice for the costumes ; the " properties are few and simple, and the music is 
within the capacity of fairly good voices, such as any ordinary church choir contains. 
Wholly novel in conception, and singularly clever in arrangement, An Old Planta- 
tion Night will prove highly acceptable to audiences of all kinds in church, school, 
lyceum, or parlor. 

Synopsis: Uncle 'Rastus and Thomas Jefferson.— " Befo' de Wah."—" Swing 
Low, Sweet Chariot."— An influx of visitors.— Aunt Marthy's Story of the little 
possum. — The rabbit cross. — Limber Jim. — The Sunflower Song. — The stylishness of 
some folks.— The little white goat on the mountain. — "The Gospel Train."— Polly 
and the screech-owl.— A husking bee.— The Corn Song.— Little Aaron's battlements. 
—01 J Dan Tucker. 

ZW" Co/>ies of the above will be mailed, post-paid, to any address, on receipt 
of the specified prices. .„^^ 

HAROLD ROORBACH, Publisher, 9 Murray St.. New York. 



H. THEYRE SMITH'S PLAYS. 

Price, 1 5 Cents Each. 

A CASE FOR EVICTION. One male and two female characters— light comedian, 
lady comedian and servant. Interior scene ; modern costumes ; time of playing, 
thirty minutes. This breezy little play is so true to life that everybody enjo> s it 
and, as a matter of course, it is always highly successful. A young husband and 
wife have a visitor who makes them twice glad — glad when he comes and doubly 
glad when he goes. The difficulties that the young couple experience in getting 
rid of their guest, without hurting his feelings, are laughable in the extreme. 
The guest, by the way, is hear-d but not j^^«— which fact gives rise to much 
comical business. No scenery whatever is required ; and as every-day costumes 
are worn, the piece can be produced successfully without the slightest trouble. 

CUT OFF WITH A SHILLING. Two male and one female characters- 
juvenile man, old man and lady comedian. Scene, a sitting-room ; modern cos- 
tumes ; time of playing, forty-five minutes. An exceedingly popular play, offering 
unusual opportunities for good acting. A young man who has married without 
his uncle's consent is cut off with a shilling. But the uncle meets, his nephew's 
wife — not knowing who she is — and is so captivated by her wit, grace and beauty 
that, on learning who she is, he changes his mind, reinstates his nephew and 
allows the latter to rettirn the shilling. The dialogue is witty, the action rapid, 
and the situations effective. 

A HAPPY PAIR. One male, one female character— both light comedy. Scene, a 
nicely furnished room ; modern costumes ; time of playing, forty-five minutes. A 
brisk little play, full of action and giving numerous opportunities for clever work. 
While entirely free from all "low-comedy" business, it contains enough humor 
to be highly diverting. The quarrels of the "happy pair," and their final recon- 
ciliation can not fail to please, and the play is sure to give entire satisfaction 
either in the parlor or as a " curtain raiser" or afterpiece. 

MY LORD IN LIVERY. Four male and three female characters— light comedian, 
low comedian, old man, utility, lady comedian and two walking ladies. Parlor 
scene ; modern costumes ; time of playing, fifty minutes. An unusually bright 
piece brimming over with wit and humor. The three young ladies who permit a 
comic servant to meet them on terms of equality under the belief that he is a 
nobleman masquerading like themselves — the happy-go-lucky young nobleman 
who is mistaken for a burglar— the comical old butler — all have a vast deal of 
laughable by-play and business. This play was a pronounced success in New 
York, and has been presented to crowded houses in all the principal cities of this 
country. The ease with which it may be staged, and the invariable success which 
attends it, make My Lord in Livery peculiarly adapted to the use of amateurs. 

UNCLE'S WILL. Two. male and one female characters — juvenile lead, old man 
and lady comedian. Scene, a sitting-room ; costumes, modern ; time of playing, 
thirty minutes. This brilliant little play is a prime favorite in both Europe and 
America, and is admirably adapted to the use of amateurs. The wit flashes 
like a diamond, and the dainty bits of humor scattered here and there keep up a 
constant ripple of pleased excitement. Each character is a star part. I'he dash- 
ing young naval officer, the comical old man — in which Mr. Davidge made a 
pronounced hit at the Fifth Avenue Theatre, New York— and the bright and 
spirited young lady, all are first class and worthy of the best talent in any dramatic 
club. 

W^HICH IS WHICH. Three male, three female characters— juvenile man, old 
man, utility, two juvenile ladies and old woman. Scene, a studio ; costumes, 
modern ; time of playing, fifty minutes. Excellent and much patronized by 
nmateurs. The amusing perplexities of the poor artist, who can not tell which of 
his visitors is the heiress and which her penniless friend— who mistakes one for 
the other — who makes love to the rich girl, supposing that she is poor, and deter- 
mines to marry her in spite of her supposed poverty — and who finally discovers 
that he has proposed to the heiress after all — combine to make this a delightful 
play. 

ll^~ A ny of the above -will be sent by maii, postpaid, to any address, on receipt 
o/ the annexed prices. As there are several editions of these plays offered for sole, 
good, bad and indifferent, purchasers will consult their own interests, when order- 
ing, by specifying Roorbach's edition. „^^ 

HAROLD ROOBACH, Publisher, 9 Murray St, New York. 



NEW ENTERTAINMENTS. 

THE JAPANESE WEDDING. 

A costume pantomime representation of the Wedding Ceremony in Japanese high life. 
The company consists of the bride and groom, their parents, six bridesmaids, and 
the_ officiating personage appropriately called the " Go-between." There are 
various formalities, including salaams, tea-drinking, eating rice-cakes, and giving 
presents. No words are spoken. The ceremony (which occupies about 50 
minutes), with the " tea-room," fills out an evening well, though music and other 
attractions may be added. Can be represented byyoung ladies alone, if preferrei. 
P^ice, 25 Cents. 

AN EVENING WITH PICKWICK. 

A Literary and Dramatic Dickens Entertainment. — Introduces the Pickwick Club, 
the Wardles of Dingley Deli, the Fat Boy, Alfred Jingle, Mrs. Leo Hunter, Lord 
Mutanhed and Count Smorltork, Arabella Allen and Bob Allen, Bob Sawyer, Mrs. 
and Master Bardell, Mrs. Cluppins, Mrs. Weller, Stiggins, Tony Weller, Sam 
Weller, and the Lady Traveller. Price, 25 cents. 

AN EVENING WITH COPPERFIELD. 

A Literary and Dramatic Dickens Entertainment. — Introduces Mrs. Copperfield, 
Davie, the Peggotys, the Murdstones, Mrs. Gummidge, Little Em'ly, Barkis, 
Betsey Trotwood, Mr. Dick and his kite, Steerforth, the Creakles, Traddles, 
Rosa Dartle, Miss Mowcher, Uriah Heep and his Mother, the Micawbers, Dora 
and Gyp, and the wooden-legged Gatekeeper. Price, 25 cents. 
These " Evenings with Dickens " can be represented in whole or in part, require 
but little memorizing, do not demand experienced actors, are not troublesome to pre- 
pare, and are suitable for performance either on the platform or in the drawing room. 

THE GYPSIES' FESTIVAL. 

A Musical Entertainment for Young People. Introduces the Gypsy Queen, Fortune 
Teller, Yankee Peddler, and a Chorus of Gypsies, of any desired number. The 
scene is supposed to be a Gypsy Camp. The costumes are very pretty, but 
simple ; the dialogue bright ; the music easy and tuneful ; and the drill movements 
and calisthenics are graceful. Few properties and no set scenery required, so 
that the entertainment can be represented on any platform. Price, 25 cents. 

THE COURT OF KING CHRISTMAS. 

A CHRISTMAS ENTERTAINMENT. The action takes place in Santa Claus 
land on Christmas eve, and represents the bustling preparations of St. Nick and 
his attendant worthies for the gratification of all children the next day. The cast 
may include as many as 36 characters, though fewer will answer, and the enter- 
tainment represented on a platform, without troublesome properties. The cos- 
tumes are simple, the incidental music and drill movements graceful and easily 
managed, the dialogue uncommonly good, and the whole thing quite above the 
average. A representation of this entertainment will cause the young folks, from 
six to sixty, fairly to turn themselves inside oiit with delight, and, at the same 
time, enforce the important moral of Peace and Good Will. Price, 25 cents. 
RECENTL Y PUBLISHED. 

ILLUSTRATED TABLEAUX FOR AMATEURS. A new series of Tableaux 
F/r/a«/'j-, by Martha C. Weld. In this series each description is accompanied 
with a full-page illustration of the scene to be represented. 
PART I.— MISCELLANEOUS TABLEAUX.— Contains General Introduction, 

12 Tableaux and 14 Illustrations. Price, 25 Cents. 
PART II.— MISCELLANEOUS TABLEAUX.— Contains Introduction, 12 Ta- 
bleaux and 12 illustrations. Price, 25 Cents. 

SAVED FROM THE WRECK. A drama in three acts. Eight male, three 
female characters. Time, two hours and a half. Price, 15 Cents. 

BETWEEN TWO FIRES. A comedy-drama in three acts. Eight male, three 
f'-male characters. Time, two hours and a half. Price, 15 Cents. 

BY FORCE OF IMPULSE. A drama in five acts. Nine male, three female 
characters. Time, two hours and a half. Price, 15 Cents. 

A LESSON IN ELEGANCE. A comedy in one act. Four female characters. 
Time, thirty minutes. Price, 15 Cents. 

WANTED, A CONFIDENTIAL CLERK. A farce in one act. Six male 
characters. Time, thirty minutes. Price, 15 Cents. 

SECOND SIGHT. A farcical comedy in one act. Four male, one female charac- 
ter. Time, one hour. Price, 15 Cents. 

THE TRIPLE WEDDING. A drama in three acts. Four male, four femal« 
characters. Time, one hour and a quarter. Price, 15 cents. 
^^~Any of the above will be sent by mail, postpaid, to any address, on receipt 

of the annexed prices. ,^^i 

HAROl.D ROORBACH, Publisher, 9 Murray St.. New York. 



I TRRftRY OF CONGRESS 

mm 



HELMER' 

ACTOR'S MAKE-l '7'ST8 "597 ise 7 

jI fraetlcal and Systematic Guide to the Art 0/ Making up /or the Stage, 



PRICE, 25 CENTS. 



With exhaustive treatment on the Use of Theatrical 
lATiGS and Beards, The Make-up and its requisite materials, the 
t)ifferent features and their management, typical character. 
Masks, etc. With Special Hints to Ladies. Designed for the 
USE OF Actors and Amateurs, and for both Ladies and Gentle- 
men. Copiously Illustrated. 

CONTENTS. 

I. Theatrical Wigs. — The Style and Form of Theatrical Wigs 
.^nd Beards. The Color and Shading of Theatrical Wigs and Beards. 
Directions for Measuring the Head. To put on a Wig properly. 

II. Theatrical Beards. — How to fashion a Beard out of crep6 
liair. How to make Beards of Wool. The growth of Beard simu- 
lated. 

HL The Make-up. — A successful Character Mask, and how ta 
make it. Perspiration during performance, how removed. 

IV. The Make-up Box. — Grease Paints. Grease paintL ia 
•sticks; Flesh Cream; Face Powder; How to use face powder as a 
liquid cream ; The various shades of face powder. Water Cos- 
m^iique. Nose Putty. Court Plaster. Cocoa Butter. Cr^p6 Hair 
and Prepared Wool. Grenadine. Dorin's Rouge. "Old Man's" 
Rouge. "Juvenile" Rouge. Spirit Gum. Email Noir. Bear's 
•Grease. Eyebrow Pencils. Artist's Stomps. Powder Puffs. Hares* 
Feet. Camels'-hair Brushes. 

V. The Features and their Treatment. — The Eyes : blind- 
ness. The Eyelids. The Eyebrows : How to paint out an eyebrow or 
moustache ; How to paste on eyebrows ; How to regulate bushy eye- 
"brows. The Eyelashes : To alter the appearance of the eyes. The 
Ears. The Nose: A Roman nose; How to use the nose putty; A 
pug nose ; An African nose ; a large nose apparently reduced in size. 
The Mouih and Lips : a juvenile mouth ; an old mouth ; a sensuous 
mouth ; a satirical mouth ; a one-sided mouth ; a merry mouth ; A 
sullen mouth. The Teeth. The Neck, Arms, Hands and Finger- 
nails : Fingernails lengthened. Wrinkles: Friendliness and Sullen- 
ness indicated by wrinkles. Shading. A Starving character. A 
Cut in the Face. A Thin Face Made Fleshy. 

VI. Typical Character Masks. — The Make-up for Youth: 
Dimpled cheeks. Manhood. Middle Age. Making up as a Drunk- 
ard : One method ; another method. Old Age. Negroes. Moors. 
Chinese. King Lear, Shylock, Macbeth. Richelieu. Statuary, 
downs. 

VII. Special Hints to Ladies. — The Make-up. Theatrical 
Wigs and Hair Goods. 

Sent by mail, postpaid, to any address, on receipt of the price. 

HAROLD ROORBACH, Publisher, 
9 Murray Strec/, New York. 



iSRARY OF CONGRESS 



018 597 186 7 



